Up until a few days ago I hadn’t even realised this was a ‘thing’. A chance message in an online support group and well it seems to be a growing problem. There’s a new breed of bridesmaids out there – the bridemaidzillas. From subtle snubs to the outright rude, Brides seem to be getting a rough deal from those nearest and dearest to them – their bridesmaids.
An article for Marie Claire has given the best definition of this new rare breed:
Bridesmaidzilla – A lethal mix of frenemy and Mean Girl wrapped in a sash
and the’re coming to a wedding near you!
Some real life examples of Bridesmaidzilla antics, think of the film Bridesmaids and your on the right track:
- A bridesmaid who knew her bestie wanted a child free wedding – but turned up with her baby as this ‘didn’t apply to her’
- The bridesmaid who didn’t RSVP to the hen weekend or show any interest – pulled out last minute
- The bridesmaids who didn’t like the brides choice of dress so ganged up and made her change it – this resulted in several other wedding changes due to the colour’s the new dress was available in
- The bridesmaid who had a heated discussion with the bride on whether the groom was right for her or not – as she was to walk down the aisle
So what has precipitated this rise in maids that should be having your back, not stabbing it?
Bridal parties are larger than ever and with it brings a higher intensity, the more people in your party the more heads to please and manage. Larger parties also mean people are likely to break away and form cliques.
The instant connectivity that social media brings us means as a population we collectively have more ‘friends’ than ever and that old saying ‘you can’t please all of the people all of the time’ has never been more apparent. Sharing of ideas and inspiration at the touch of a button will inevitably get your party interacting – but also providing opinions and allowing them to be vocal over their dislikes – in a public setting.
Bride resentment is also a factor with maids secretly judging on whether the dress is big/good enough, the size of the rock, choice of venue, how extravagant is the cake etc or comparing there friends wedding to their own – is this wedding going to be better than mine?
Then there are those bridesmaids who for whatever reason just aren’t interested in supporting you on the biggest day of your life even if they’ve supported you through everything else – perhaps there poor behaviour is a result of some misguided protective factor or they have underlining issues with marriage, who knows.
Lastly, the cash, money ALWAYS ends up being a problem doesn’t it? For bridesmaids it can get expensive and well they want bang for their buck – they don’t want to be left spending hundreds on a hen weekend if its not doing what they want. If your bridesmaids are paying for their own outfits they don’t want to wear something they don’t like or feel comfortable in (although this is generally more of an American trend than UK)
Put all of these factors, together and what do you get? a melting pot of opinions, grievances, and eventually the intensity and pressure of it all will boil over leading to bad behavior and passive aggressive antics.
Relationships like life, change and evolve and what was once great at the time may no longer be a perfect fit now – friendships develop, grow and thrive; they also fizzle out. Why not be adult about things?
For those brides who may be experiencing maids who are not minding their manners remember this:
- If you can set ground rules from the beginning – a kind of ‘what you expect’ – a google search will throw up some lovely ‘Will you be my bridesmaid’ poems which have subtle do’s and don’ts
- Talk to them and tell them how your feeling – it may be the case that they aren’t aware of how they are behaving and could have just been caught up in the moment
- Yes you can be annoyed, irritated and even upset by their behaviour – you are human and this IS allowed – but don’t waste too much of your energy worrying about it
- The behavior exhibited is reflective of them NOT of you
- If its not working out having them on your team – rescind the offer – is is YOUR DAY and its needs to be done YOUR WAY, if your not happy with them being at your side tell them